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The Joy of Long-Term Committed Relationships

What can I say? Living in long-term relationships is a theme in my life.

Just ask my wife, daughter, or my friends. Sometimes they even feel I am so invested in the patterns of a relationship, I don’t branch out enough. Perhaps they have a point, but there is a beauty in the repeated patterns that develop in a relationship. Trust forms and from that healthy trust, lots of things can grow. There is a comfort that can sometimes allow for even bolder explorations since there is that safety and comfort in the ongoing relationship.

I have followed that commitment to relationships into my photography career. While I am slightly fearful of dating myself, I do admit, that I was shooting significant projects for a number of my current clients long before digital cameras were even understood to be a viable method of photography. Arriving at a private school campus with a deep knowledge of the brand, culture and even personalities of the institution is a tremendous advantage. One that I use to its fullest for so many of the clients I have held onto over the years.

Working with a client who knows the ideal pace I work at as they create a schedule has been invaluable in so many situations. I even have clients ready to basically cut me loose on campus because they are confident I know the places to go and not go. Even more, since we have worked together so long they can have complete trust that my assistant and I will push creative limits but never personal or institutional limits. Every client I work for has the right and privilege to work with whomever they choose. Some indeed decide on a whim to never call me again, I am deeply grateful for those who have been ready to work with me again and again over time.

© Tom kates photography. Tom’s photography graced the groton viewbook which won gold in the 2021 brilliance awards.

This past spring, while in the midst of an absolutely mad rush of photography that had me booked from early April all the way through early June, I experienced several emotional and unexpected examples of the benefits of my long-term relationships. Examples that I had not anticipated at all, and were far more weighty and personal (in my mind) than even the benefits of brand knowledge, etc.

The first happened at The Pike School in Andover MA. I started working for them in the late 1990s and the first viewbook I shot for them was on black and white film! I made a photo in 2013 of two kindergartners holding hands. With its joy and expressiveness, it became a hit for the school and indeed for me. I still have it on my site.

I was back at Pike this past spring and when mentioning that photo to them, learned that those two girls were still at the school, still good friends, and were about to graduate! (8th grade). I asked if we could “re-create” the photo and it’s hard to describe the joy I felt as I met these two now young women, and set up this photo all over again. Perhaps since my own daughter is not far off in age from these two, it was like a lightning bolt of emotion for me to make this new version come together. This photo and this moment I captured was an unintended, unforeseen but marvelous example of what a long-term relationship can mean in the world of photography.

©Tom Kates Photography

A second example came by way of my client at Greenhill School in Dallas Texas. Like Pike, I have worked for them for many years. In February of 2014, I created a portrait of an engaging and kind student who was intensely involved in theater, acting, directing, and all things drama. While in a panic about a rare Dallas snowstorm that incapacitated the city (I must say as a Bostonian what they consider to be a “snow storm” seemed a bit laughable to me) we created this portrait of this amazing student. The intention was to show his love and connection to the theater.

I was thrilled and moved to learn from my client at Greenhill that this student, Cooper Raiff, was now a young man and has starred, written, directed, and produced a hit film, “Cha Cha Real Smooth.” Such fun and emotion as my wife and I sat down to watch his wonderful film and his artistry.

©Tom Kates Photography

I am always excited to take on new relationships. Indeed there is a wonderful excitement to the newness of an institution and client, I cannot help but fall even more deeply in love with those I have spent the most time with. It’s so great to see people and places grow and change. Even better to be a part of making imagery that shows that growth. I am forever grateful to those who have let me into their (work) lives and communities.


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Tom is one of the stellar visual storytellers in the InspirED Photographer and Filmmaker Guide.